A Pandemic of Grief
As the days of staying home and social distancing turn to weeks, we may find ourselves in the midst of a grieving process. Our former realities, privileges, freedoms and carefree attitudes have been replaced by some degree of confinement, restriction, and worry. Some of us may be grieving the tragic loss of a friend or loved one as a result of COVID-19, deeply exacerbated by the absence of customary funeral rituals, time with friends and family to mourn, and ability to seek support. There are layers of losses having potential compounding effects on our mental health. The traumatic losses of life, of livelihood, are at the forefront for many. People are also grieving many other losses, and while these may be less traumatic, they are still significant and valid. The weddings and other family celebrations that have been indefinitely postponed, the missed graduation ceremonies and proms, the birthday parties and dinners with friends, the cherished time with grandparents. There is also a collective grief around our loss of safety, and things we would take for granted like having well stocked grocery stores, being able to walk into a coffee shop and chat with the barista, or opening a door without a glove or an abundant supply of Purell. Questions about whether we will ever feel “safe” again plague us. When will we be able to hug a friend? Shake a new acquaintance’s hand? Return to work? To school? To “normal?”
The answers to these questions remain elusive. But we can take care of our mental health by trying to cope with our grief by doing the following:
Give yourself permission to grieve. Your feelings of loss are valid and normal, whether you have suffered a traumatic loss through this pandemic, or not. Allow yourself to feel sad, or any other emotion that may come up for you during this time.
Recognize the typical stages of grief. Kubler-Ross first outlined the stages of grief in 1969, identifying them as Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. We all grieve differently, and the stages aren’t necessarily linear.
Stay in the Here-And-Now. The questions of how long we will be living this way, missing important time with loved ones, and important events can really bog us down with negative emotion. Try not to “future trip.” Take each day as it comes and try to manage your feelings in the present.
Be gentle with yourself. Grief takes a toll on body and mind. Whenever you can, treat yourself with compassion. Allow for that nap, take care of yourself by trying to eat nourishing food and hydrate. Stretch and move your body in ways that feel good.
You’re not alone. So much of this grief is being felt collectively. We can all relate. Talk about it with friends and family. We are all in this together, apart.